I'd Rather Be Sleeping

You can get the song that goes with this here.

I dreamed that I was part of a small group of ambitious scientists who had invented the replicator years ago and were famous for revolutionizing human society. Our current project was decades in the making, and was coming to its final stage; we were determined to create the first true transhuman, an evolutionary leap aided by technology to artificially create a better species of thinking being. There were four of us, in all, best friends united be a reckless goal of advancing technology regardless of the risks involved.

After the replicator, we had privately worked on several techniques to regenerate dead tissue and revive people from near-death conditions, and used it on numerous occasions on our escape from the society which had grown hostile toward our research. We lived in an isolated compound; a serene and sterile grounds for creation surrounded by nature.

We were ready for our final project to be completed. One of us would begin a new humanity. We had chosen her at random, and should would become a being of overwhelming grace and ability only faintly imaginable to us. She would walk to the end of the dock near our building, and I would initiate the process from the patio overlooking the lake.

Our great achievement would come at enormous cost. The only certainty in the process was that the remaining three of us would be annihilated entirely. I stood at the beginning of the dock, the sun becoming a hazy orange and colliding with the massive pines at far end of the lake, and held her for what I wished to be an eternity. I poured over my fear and doubts, my love and my regrets. After all we had been through, she was finally going to realize our ultimate dream of becoming a replacement for our failing human race.

I lowered my head so every part of me was close to her, and imagined her at the end of the dock, a white light transcending reality as a beacon of the future, as all humanity perished in a wave of death emanating from that very spot. I would be the first to die.

I pulled away from her and watched my tears stain the ground. By the time I finally looked up again, the sky was darkening and the color of the sunset dominated the lake and the trees. The sun behind her lit up her dark brown hair, cut short above her shoulders. She flashed a wide but sheepish smile and made her way down the dock.

The three of us remaining were all armed, in the unlikely case that an outsider had discovered our location and intended to stop us before we had finished. I walked back to the console, our only connection to the outside world. We had already announce our intentions publicly, and as I powered up the terminal a torrent of protest, intrigue, and pleading flashed across the screen too quickly for me to read.

When the terminal was up, a song, Heavy Water/I’d Rather Be Sleeping by Grouper faded in slowly, and played continuously from that moment on. The beautiful but melancholic drone fit the task at hand. I imagined that, standing at the end of the dock on the shimmering sunset lake, she was singing softly, “Love is enormous, It’s lifting me up, I’d rather be sleeping, I’d rather fall in sideways, Right where the deepest currents flow...”

My thoughts were racing. Could I really do this? We had worked for so many years perfecting the process here. I knew all the steps by heart. I had known these people for so long... seen so much. Could I kill all of humanity in the name of progress? My lover would become something unimaginably noble, the pinnacle our research and of human achievement. And I would never witness it.

I initiated the first stage via the console and watched her as she was lifted up lazily over the lake by an invisible force. There was only one step left, and that was all. My mind was breaking down, logic became illogic as the pressure mounted and time collapsed in on itself to crowd around and witness this single momentous action. I pulled the gun out of my belt and looked it over. At that moment there were now two options, neither more imaginable than the other in the crushing panic. I aimed the gun for the center of the lake.

I froze. The primal instinct of survival was overwhelming. This was suicide. I stood there for a long time, battling myself for control. For an instant I regained control and smashed the butt of my gun down on the terminal, breaking the glass, but initiating the final sequence, and I woke up.